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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23092375">wish i could let you go</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryeonseungz/pseuds/ryeonseungz'>ryeonseungz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band), We Go Up - NCT Dream (Music Video)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Confident Na Jaemin, Friendship/Love, High School Students NCT Dream, How Do I Tag, I'm Bad At Tagging, Inspired by To All The Boys I've Loved Before, Lee Jeno &amp; Na Jaemin Are Best Friends, Lee Jeno Loves Cats, Lee Jeno is Whipped, Lee Jeno is a Panicked Gay, Lee Jeno-centric, Love Letters, M/M, MIGHT be chensung idk lets see, Mentioned Mark Lee (NCT), Mentioned NCT Dream Ensemble, NCT Dream - Freeform, NCT Dream Ensemble Are Best Friends, NCT Dream Ensemble-centric, OT7 NCT Dream, Soft Lee Jeno, Soft Na Jaemin, boom by nct dream soty, dreamies, inspired by bad habits by shaun, listen to bad habits by shaun, markhyuck are mentioned, nomin-centric, renjun best boy, stan nct dream, stream kick it by NCT 127, title from the song mentioned</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:20:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,146</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23092375</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryeonseungz/pseuds/ryeonseungz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"you make me so happy, but you also make me so sad. and lonely. and heartbroken. maybe all three emotions mentioned. maybe even more."</p><p> </p><p>or a nomin au where lee jeno writes letters to his one-sided crush, his classmate and friend, na jaemin</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>wish i could let you go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this isn't as angsty as it looks HDJGSJKLDJSKL I CANT WRITE ANGST FOR SHIT. anyway here is my first nct au, I hope yall enjoy mwa, kinda inspired by to all the boys ive loved before (just the letters part)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>I don't know where to begin. but I know that I like talking to you. we were never classmates until this year, and we only started talking last week, when you asked me if I was done with my homework. when I told you I wasn't, you were so relieved to <strike>hear, </strike>well read, or know, or whichever word that fits, that you weren't the only one done. i think that's when we started talking? you stayed with me until i was done with our homework, even if you finished early. i thought that was very sweet of you. but it was the next day that I was surprised. I was running late for our first class, so I tweeted that I wanted food. after the first subject, you gave me food and talked to me. I thought that was cute. ever since we talk everyday. we both have our own set of friends, but we still manage to talk everyday. i have fun with all our small talks. i hope you feel the same.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>lee jeno.</em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"lee jeno. late again." the physics teacher announced when jeno entered. "fuck this shit." jeno whispered as he sat down beside jaemin. </p><p> </p><p>"good morning jeno. rough night?" jaemin greeted. jeno shook his head, "nah, our car broke down on the way to school." he sighed, he really wasn't supposed to be late today, it was one of those days when he actually willingly woke up early. jaemin pulled out a paper bag, “here, eat this during our break.” jeno opened the bag and saw breakfast. from mcdonalds. his favorite thing during mornings.</p><p> </p><p>"maybe the universe wants you to be late all the time.” jaemin said, as he took notes for the class. jaemin was a diligent kid, always pushing to be a better student. meanwhile, jeno hates physics, or anything that requires solving math problems, and it didn’t help that their teacher was a bore, so he just put his head on his desk and hoped for the best.</p><p> </p><p>when classes ended, jaemin found a sleeping jeno beside him. he was worried, thinking if he gets enough sleep at night.</p><p> </p><p>softly, jaemin spoke. “jeno.”</p><p>“lee jeno, wake up.”</p><p>“jenooo…..”</p><p>he slightly taps his shoulder as the older jolts up.</p><p>“eung?” jeno <em>cutely</em> mumbled. he looked like he was still half-asleep. “class done?” he groggily asked jaemin, as the younger nodded. “mhm, class is done jeno-ah. you should eat your food. i could hear your stomach growling.” jeno blushed, <em>fuck that’s so embarrassing. </em>he thought. he grabbed his food and ate silently, while jaemin just stared at him. jeno felt his heart thump louder than it should.</p><p>“yah j-jaemin, don’t stare at me while im eating…” jeno stuttered.</p><p>jaemin’s eyes widened, “oh! am i making you uncomfortable? sorry, i’ll just doodle while you eat.”</p><p>“it’s okay…” jeno’s heart thumped again.</p><p> </p><p>jaemin is really the kindest.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"jeno! wanna walk home together?" jaemin approached jeno. the latter thought about it for a second, "hm...I don't see why not? car's broken anyway." jaemin squealed and wrapped his arm around the older’s shoulders as they walked out of school. they remained in this position, until jaemin suddenly let go and goes in front of jeno. “wanna go to a cafe?” he suddenly asked. jeno didn’t have a lot of money that day, he had to buy a lab gown for their chemistry class. jeno frowned, “im sorry jaemin, i don’t have money today. bought a labgown today…” tried to explain. jaemin didn’t lose the smile on his face, “its okay! my treat, you cant say no.” he insisted, suddenly grabbing the hand of jeno and ran to the nearest café.</p><p> </p><p>it was a small café, with a homey ambiance. jeno loves the smell of coffee. he takes a whiff of the smell of the café, and smiled, satisfied of the coffee aroma of the café.</p><p>“what do you usually order, jeno?” jaemin asked. although jeno loves the smell, he was a bigger fan of matcha. “green tea frappucino please.” jaemin was surprised with the older’s choice, but he found it <em>cute.</em> he nodded, “okay, you can look for a place to sit first, i’ll order for us both.” jeno complied, and quickly found a chair for them.</p><p> </p><p>jaemin went to the counter, “one green tea frappucino and one espresso please.” he looked at the pastries, “oh and also one strawberry shortcake!” jaemin loves strawberries, and judging from his drink choice, he would appreciate the cake too. the barista served him the cake and spoke, “enjoy! you and your boyfriend look really cute together.” jaemin just smiled, “you think so?” the barista nodded as jaemin took their drinks to his table.</p><p> </p><p>“here you go! and i got us cake because it looked really good.” jaemin said as he sat down across jeno. jeno smiled as he got his drink, “thank you jaemin. i’ll treat you next time!” he took a sip of his drink. <em>so refreshing. </em>jaemin got some cake and they just sat there peacefully, with a comforting silence.</p><p> </p><p>jaemin was the one who broke the silence, “last night was rough for you? i mean you would sleep during class but you slept so fast this time.” jeno shrugged, “calculus is a pain in the ass….i reviewed for the exam until like…..4am….and maybe i was thinking a lot…that night…”</p><p> </p><p>jaemin tilted his head, “about what?”</p><p> </p><p>“just…stuff..” jeno mumbled. <em>i was thinking about how cute you looked yesterday. </em></p><p>
  
</p><p>jaemin nodded, maybe jeno wasn’t ready to share his thoughts yet. he quickly shifted the topic. “do you like cats or dogs more?” he asked. jeno’s eyes seem to light up, “cats! definitely cats. i mean i like dogs too but cats are just….i don’t know, calmer? and fuzzy? and just more relaxing to me. i have three cats at home even if im allergic to them.” jaemin listened intently to what jeno had to say. he found jeno’s sudden rambling and excitement towards cats fascinating. jeno took a sip of his drink, “how about you? i feel like you’re a dog person.” jaemin nodded at his statement, “mhm…i just find them more approachable and cute.”</p><p>“what do you take in college or uni?” it was jeno’s turn to ask. they weren’t playing 20 questions, but he wanted to get to know the younger male better.</p><p> </p><p>“i honestly don’t know. maybe engineering? i mean it’s really the only field i see myself in” jaemin answered. jeno understood, “yeah i can totally see you in engineering. your physics skills is 10 out of 10.” jaemin shook his head, “its not much, really. how about you?” the spark in jeno’s eyes lit once again. “i wanna take up psychology. i wanna reach out and help people who need it. i wanna talk to them and help them with their struggles. i guess it gives me comfort to help others.”</p><p> </p><p>“i really like how you’re so passionate with the things you love. its cute.” jaemin blurted out, making jeno blush. “you think so? i don’t find it annoying?” jaemin shook his head. “of course not. its fascinating how you can talk about so many things with so much sincerity and openness.” jeno couldn’t believe that jaemin was saying things like this to him. he thought it was really sweet of him.</p><p> </p><p>“i guess…i mean i have a hard time just opening up myself to other people, even with just the little things like this, because i guess i have trust issues, you know? every time i open up to people, they all just leave me, with me thinking that i should’ve not given my love and attention to them. but i don’t know, i feel comfort with you and—im so sorry for talking so much i should stop.” jeno fiddles the hem of his sweatshirt, not making eye contact with jaemin. he didn’t know why he said all of those, but he did mean everything.</p><p> </p><p>“hey, jeno. look at me bud…” jeno lifted his eyes slowly to the beautiful boy across him. “don’t say sorry. i appreciate you opening up to me, and i love how you became comfortable with me so fast, despite us not being classmates until this year,” he suddenly grabbed jeno’s hands, “don’t worry about me leaving, i’ll stay by your side.” they exchanged eye contact for a few seconds, until jeno couldn’t understand what he was feeling.</p><p><em>what is this feeling? </em>sure he had some flings and dates from here and there, but he feels different. jaemin smiled at the older, and jeno fucking swears his heart melted with jaemin’s addicting smile. <em>i could stare at that smile forever.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>they talked for a while, with so many topics to talk about. from their friends to even their ideal type, not one topic was spared.</p><p> </p><p>“i don’t know, i just like someone who i would feel secure. and someone whom i’m comfortable and who’s comfortable with me. oh! and someone who has a great smile, that’s cute…” jaemin shared his ideal type. jeno listened intently, as if he was taking notes. he then realizes that it’s dark outside, and he should probably go home.</p><p> </p><p>“shit, jaemin, i think we should go, its getting dark and my mom’s might kill me….im so sorry…” jeno said. jaemin also realizes this. they’ve been in the café for more than two hours, and he didn’t even notice. “oh yeah, i’m sorry for keeping you out.” jeno shook his head, “no! i had fun today, thank you jaemin. let’s go home, yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>jaemin grabbed jeno’s arm, “sure, i’ll walk you home.”</p><p>they walked to jeno’s house, which isn’t that far, and jaemin not letting go of the older. jeno’s face was red throughout the walk, but thank goodness it was dark, so it wasn’t that obvious.</p><p> </p><p>“here’s my house. you sure you don’t wanna go in?” jeno asked, out of courtesy.</p><p>“nah, i’m good. my dad’s looking for me anyway.” jaemin answered. he <em>finally</em> lets go of jeno’s arm, “thank you for today. it’s the most fun i’ve had in a while.” he gave jeno a hug and surprised jeno with a sudden kiss on the cheek. “bye jeno! i’ll see you tomorrow.” jaemin bid farewell and walked away from jeno’s house.</p><p> </p><p>jeno froze, because of the sudden kiss. he felt his blood rush in his cheeks, as he fans himself. <em>fuck why is my cheeks burning…</em>he goes inside his house, still fanning his heated face. he could feel his heart flip—no, it was tumbling and soaring, and he couldn’t explain what he was feeling. he sat on his bed, trying to compose himself. he then remembered they had to prepare a presentation for an English subject, so he did that to distract himself from the butterflies in his stomach.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>which quickly returned when he heard his phone notifications.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span class="u">one new message from: jaeminie</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>hey jeno! i got home a few minutes ago and ate dinner. again, thank you for today. i really enjoyed it. </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>lets do it again, sometime?</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    
  </p>
  <p>jeno blushed when he saw jaemin’s name on his cellphone screen. he replied.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <strong>jaemin-ahhhh i also enjoyed today!!</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>thank you for the free drink, i’ll make sure i’ll treat you next time!</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>just tell me when and where</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>hmm…tteokbokki tomorrow?</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>oh my god i was craving for tteokbokki too!</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>lets meet by the fountain tomorrow after class</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>sure!</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>wait as much as i love talking to you, i have to prepare for my presentation :--(</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>sorry jenooooo :&lt;&lt;&lt;</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>omg sorry for bothering you! </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>go do your presentation, i just finished with mine</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>i hope you have a great night, jaem.</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>dream of me </strong>
    <strong>😉</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>thank you jeno</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>sweet dreams</strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>i hope to dream of you, too &lt;3</strong>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>
  
</p><p>jeno's heart fluttered when he saw the last message. he closed his phone and lied down his bed.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>hey jaem. (you told me to call you that.) today was really fun. i got to know you a lot more and you gave me comfort today. its not that i needed it but your presence to me as just really comforting. you bought me a drink and kissed me on the cheek. my heart fluttered a lot because of you. and maybe, today's the day when i realized that i may or may not have a crush on you. i dont know if i should tell renjun and donghyuck about this, but they'll probably know soon. im not exactly the slickest person when it comes to hiding my feelings. i told you that earlier. i just find you endearing and your smile is literally sunshine (hyuck's gonna hate me for this). i know you wont like me back, but this is just a harmless crush so i guess its okay. im excited for our tteokbokki tomorrow! i hope you dreamt of me.</em>
  </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>
    <em>lee jeno.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>heres the first chapter! lolol sorry if it was a bit bland but i swear i'll try my best in writing this. also dont expect too much angst,,,i cant angst for shit LOLOL ANYWAY STREAM KICK IT </p><p>follow me on twitter: @HUANGS119</p></blockquote></div></div>
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